Bachelor in Paradise Recap: Episode 2

This week in paradise, the intro music has been slightly changed, The Chad has been banished, and newcomers arrive to fuck everything up. But first, before finally boarding the long bus ride back to Tulsa, Chad yells at Chris Harrison a little more, tells us he’s going to “fuckin’ Tijuana,” eats some turkey, and complains…

Bachelor in Paradise Recap: Premiere

Shhhhh! Quiet! I’m trying to listen. What’s that sound I hear? *~*Almost paradise, we’re knockin’ on heaven’s door!*~* Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes FUCK YES BACHELOR IN PARADISE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, at this point, the actual Bachelor and Bachelorette shows have gotten so predictable and boring that Bachelor in Paradise is…

The Bachelorette Recap: Finale

Usually I try to stay sober for these recaps, so as not to pass out on my keyboard, but three hours of fuckboys calls for a glass of wine or seven, and it’s the finale so yolo I’ll do me. Ernest Hemingway was a drunk after all. Yes, I’m comparing myself, an unpaid writer of…