Bachelor in Paradise Recap: Premiere

Shhhhh! Quiet! I’m trying to listen. What’s that sound I hear? *~*Almost paradise, we’re knockin’ on heaven’s door!*~* Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes FUCK YES BACHELOR IN PARADISE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, at this point, the actual Bachelor and Bachelorette shows have gotten so predictable and boring that Bachelor in Paradise is…

The Bachelorette Recap: Finale

Usually I try to stay sober for these recaps, so as not to pass out on my keyboard, but three hours of fuckboys calls for a glass of wine or seven, and it’s the finale so yolo I’ll do me. Ernest Hemingway was a drunk after all. Yes, I’m comparing myself, an unpaid writer of…