The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 4

It really feels like forever since the show has been on! I definitely forgot where we left off, and was bummed when I was reminded that it was with Lee being a fuckstick. I really, really hate him and I hate that this fight has been characterized as some sort of mutual drama, when it’s really just Lee creating problems. While a few of these lunkheads are debating the differences between “quirks,” “corks,” and “quarks,” Lee is making dogwhistle comments and smirking like a fucking Tarantino villain. After five seconds of watching Lee and his trash ass ways, my dad muttered from the couch “well, FUCK this guy!” Same, Dad, same.

I don’t mean to get too serious on this blog, but this whole thing was hard to watch and I’m just generally really just disgusted with the show at this point. This episode left a horrible taste in my mouth. The people behind this show absolutely, 100% knew that Lee was a racist piece of trash before casting him on this season. Not only did they subject their first black lead to this hateful man who does not respect her existence, but purposely facilitated a situation in which he would be pitted against Kenny, a physically much larger black man. Nevermind the fact that Kenny is a sweet and gentle father, while Lee is a bullshit Twitter troll, let’s manufacture a confrontation between them in which Kenny appears “aggressive” in response to Lee’s infuriating provocations. It was devastating watching Kenny lament the fact that he had to spend his time with Rachel trying to prove to her that he wasn’t an aggressive monster, which he so clearly is not. It was equally hard to watch Rachel look so genuinely exhausted by the tense race relations in the house, which she should not have to deal with on top of everything else. Honestly, I don’t have the energy to try to make this into a funny joke for my blog – this is ugly and exploitative and I’m feeling pretty gross about watching this show right now. I’m not looking forward to this two-on-one date at all and I’m wondering how much more of this I can handle with a clear conscience. This season was supposed to represent a step forward for a franchise with a problematic history, but they really missed an opportunity and instead fell into the trap of racist tropes.

The rose ceremony was also a bummer. Lee gets a rose and Diggy does not. I really didn’t expect Diggy to go home this early – he’s just so cute! I have to assume that the producers forced Rachel’s hand on this. I find it very hard to believe that Lee carving the word “enchanting” into a random two-by-four convinced her that he was worthy of a rose over Diggy. At least the firefighter with the weirdly square head is gone?

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It really flew under the radar that Alex wore a straight-up purple zebra striped suit.

The sole gem in this episode was Dean. He calls a spade a spade and lets everyone know Lee is a racist. I would have liked to see someone go to Rachel and tell her this directly, but it was nice to see him be blunt about it, and he definitely jumped up a few points in my book.

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“Rachel, I totally would have voted for Obama for a third term if I could have.”

His one-on-one date with Rachel was really genuinely sweet. I was skeptical about him at first, but this episode was a huge redeemer. Dean seems like a very nice person and I think Rachel is pretty into him, despite his age. That weird ass dude Matt is convinced that Rachel couldn’t possibly enjoy the company of someone six years her junior, but like, I don’t care if Dean is a straight-up child, she ain’t picking Matt (who?) to spend the rest of her life with. Either way, this was a really successful one-on-one and methinks Dean will be sticking around for a while. They gave him the classic Bachelorette date trifecta – a frightening bout of air travel, followed by a dinner complete with extremely heavy conversation, and a concert by an unknown country artist. My sister texted me during the show saying, “and on that platform, it felt like we were the only two people listening to Deke McGillan,” AND I LITERALLY DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE SHE HAD MADE UP THE NAME. I don’t know if that’s telling of how janky the artists are on this show, how dumb and repetitive it’s getting, or how good she is at making up country singer names, but it’s fucking hilarious no matter what.

Next up is the group date! Rachel hands each dude a drink with a kooky neon curly straw in it because I honestly think she’s just lowkey in her cute ass captain’s hat trying to make them all look dumb as hell. The men decide to engage in both a dance and freestyle battle, both of which end with a white guy doing something painful. Also, we get to see all the men shirtless, and great news! – Lee has no typa bod and very small nipples. SRY BITCH.

I am so here for this spelling bee! I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but Jesus, some of these guys are appallingly dumb. The word “façade” was spelled “P-H-Y-S-D-E” and the word “coitus” was spelled “Q-U-I-C-U-I.” Also, all contestants were not treated equally – Josiah gets the word “stunning” and Anthony gets the word “boutonniere.” HOW?

Despite winning the spelling bee, Josiah doesn’t get much time with Rachel this week. She shares sweet moments with Bryan and Peter, who will both be in the top four or I’ll eat my hat. Bryan lays a few more of his semi-violent kisses on Rachel, and Rachel even goes so far as to drop the hint to Peter that she’s licensed to practice in Wisconsin. She might pick him solely to avoid taking the bar exam again. Peter had a pretty rough episode – he made the grave error of attempting to freestyle and uttered the non-word “disingenuine” more than once. But still, DAMN, that face is next-level fine.

Iggy continues to mistakenly believe that we care about him at all. He stirs up even more drama this week about Josiah, who yes, is corny as all hell, but really has done nothing wrong. Josiah hits it right on the nose when he gripes that Iggy keeps talking shit about him to Rachel, “instead of focusing on his wack self.” Truuuuuuu.

“I’m really protective of Rachel.” – Iggy

“Which one is Iggy again?” – Rachel

So many of these dudes need to go the fuck home. Lee. Iggy. Tickle Monster. *Beyonce voice* Matt with the thin hair. They are not worthy of this woman, ESPECIALLY Lee, who claims he has never seen a pretty feminist and that the Irish are the “forgotten white slaves.” I can’t believe I’m still talking about this. I need to cool down. Enjoy this photo of Rachel, standing on a boat and thinking about how these men are not shit.

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The face of a woman who cannot wait to get her hands on Bryan in the Fantasy Suite.

Hey, Bachelor in Paradise is coming back after all. Not sure what went down there, but for the love of God, I plan to enjoy my summer watching hot idiots go on the reality TV equivalent of a fraternity beach formal. Till next week!

 

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One thought on “The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 4

  1. Pingback: The Bachelorette @ Quibbl Season 13 – Newsletter, News & Fantasy League Questions – Quibbl Daily

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