The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 10 Recap

It’s time to dim those lights, instruct Alexa to play some D’Angelo slow jams, and scrub your genitals till they sparkle. Dearest reader, it’s Fantasy Suite week. Before we can get to the *~*intimate times*~* Matt has some childhood trauma to address. Talk about a creative foreplay idea! Matt believes that his estranged relationship with…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 7 Recap

This season of the Bachelor has really pulled the old bait n’ switch. The producers pulled up to us on the sidewalk in a white unmarked van and were like, “Hey, want this candy?! Come on in!” (The candy being the first Black bachelor, a more diverse cast, and poignant conversations on polarizing but important…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 3 Recap

Well my, that escalated quickly! In just one episode our hero becomes the villain, Vibrator Girl steps up as the beacon of empathy and kindness, and I discover that Chris Harrison published a grocery store romance novel five years ago and I’m just hearing about it now. So much to unpack. And then repack when…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 1 Recap

Guess who’s back…back again? Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back. (Mom if you’re reading this that is a lyric from a 2002 Eminem song. No, Eminem is not cool again, my references are just that outdated.) Anyway I might just keep going with song lyrics because after a 2+ year hiatus, I’m…

The Bachelorette Recap: Men Tell All

No matter how shitty a season of The Bachelorette is, the Men Tell All episode will always be lit. It’s a comforting constant in an ever-changing world. The Old Faithful of the reality TV universe. Before we get to the men on stage, it’s also worth mentioning who was absent from the show last night…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 9

A couple of things I need to clarify right off the bat. Number one, Becca Jean has trash taste in men. (Idk her middle name but does Becca Jean not just sound right?) Jason was better than Blake or Garrett and no amount of his desperate returns or sad handwritten books will change that. Number…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 8

Hometowns week, y’all! Time to see our contestants’ dads in their best dri-fit polos, their moms with freshly done chunky highlights, and their surprisingly well-adjusted siblings. Garrett is up first in his hometown of Manteca, CA. I needed to know more about this little Central Californian town, so like any scholar, I hopped on Wikipedia.…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 7

This week, Becca brought her six remaining men to the Bahamas! Before we fully immerse ourselves in this authentic cultural experience, though, we need a quick flashback to last week in Richmond. I recently learned that the state of Virginia paid ABC $536,000 to film an episode there and promote the “Virginia is for Lovers”…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 5

Sorry we missed last week but the thing is that we don’t actually owe you shit! ANYWAY, this week was highly illuminating – I actually feel like I got a better idea of who these men are and I started developing some clear favorites. Turns out a lot of them are trash, though! As if…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 3

If the brutal separation of screaming children from their terrified asylum-seeking parents isn’t enough to make you hate Donald J. Trump, surely his habitual interruptions of The Bachelorette will do the trick. Seriously, motherfucker, interrupt my broadcast one more goddamn time and…… well, I’ll angrily blog about you to my meager following of readers. Hillary…

The Bachelorette Recap: Premiere

Y’all ready for another season of formulaic emotional manipulation? Let’s do the damn thing! Remember how awful the ending of last season was? And how we all started to question how we could watch something so exploitative and humiliating? Well, ABC really heard our feedback. It’s clear that they understand that they went too far…

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3

I spent the weekend correcting the minutiae of footnote citations in a law journal, so when Monday night rolled around I was fuckin’ pumped to turn my brain off. I went into my apartment building’s dope ass screening room and spent a glorious two hours watching The Bachelor on a 70” plasma screen, an experience…

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 2

Who knew the most challenging part of Dry January would be making it through the Bachelor without a bottle glass of wine? Not I, folks, not I. If I hear one more contestant gush about Arie’s “pillowy lips” I will kill myself. We open on a shot of a falcon as Arie stands over a…

The Bachelor: Premiere

The Bachelor is back for another season and Drunk & Hungry is here to guide you through the nonsense! Please join us on this #AmazingJourney. So…….I’m still trying really hard to get used to Arie as our lead. I didn’t start watching the show until Juan Pablo’s season (remember how fucking great Juan Pablo’s season…

BIP Finale: IDGAF

You guys. This was the finale! We’re done! This is spring semester senior year and I am phoning it in. How much of this feature length film of an episode could I have skipped if we didn’t recap things I’ve already watched and preview things I’m about to watch? Chris Harrison approaches the “couples” to…

Bachelor in Paradise Recap: Episode 6

Back in Paradise, Christen is apparently “in on the joke” about eating shellfish with her hands, we STILL are not seeing a rose ceremony, and Daniel has arrived. Lacey is SO excited to see Daniel, like definitely more excited than anyone has ever been to see Daniel in his life. She calls him “witty” and…

The Bachelorette Recap: Men Tell All

It’s a week before the finale and the men have officially told all! Our faves and least faves returned to the stage last night for a serious airing of grievances, now with 100% more racial tension! Chris Harrison introduced each man individually, which is always fun because some of them get booed and some get…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 8

This season’s hometowns episode featured a converted Sikh man banging a gong and a borderline psychopathic Cuban mother threatening to murder our Bachelorette. Let’s. Get. Into. It. Eric’s hometown is up first and……….YOU GUYS……..I fucking love Eric. Rachel meets him in Baltimore and he shows her around the city a bit. Eric has this really…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 5

This week, we return to find our heroine, Rachel, accompanied by her pack of hunky dum-dums in South Carolina. Lee is stirring up drama like a giant bitch, while Rachel ignores him to canoodle on a boat with Bryan and live her best dang life. It’s crazy that we’re still in the middle of the…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 4

It really feels like forever since the show has been on! I definitely forgot where we left off, and was bummed when I was reminded that it was with Lee being a fuckstick. I really, really hate him and I hate that this fight has been characterized as some sort of mutual drama, when it’s…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 3

This episode was just ridiculously jam packed – by the end of it, I had forgotten that the whole Demario incident occurred in the same episode. Just…..so many man fights. Demario jumpstarted the dramatic foolishness of this episode in the very first minute, when he showed up to beg for Rachel’s forgiveness. He gave her…

The Bachelorette Recap: Premiere

We are back for another season! The 13th season of The Bachelorette premiered last night and we made it through an entire episode without Chris Harrison calling it “the most dramatic season ever,” so maybe this season truly is about progress. In the preview for the full season, a few things are clear: they tried…

The Bachelor Recap: Finale

Finally! It’s over! I need a break from this mumbly man and his flesh colored facial hair. Nick is over it, we’re over it, his family is over it, even the studio audience is over it. Unless you’re a fan of Dancing With The Stars in which case I’m sorry, it’s not over. Although I assume…

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8

SORRY WE MISSED LAST WEEK! Frreal sorry guys. We used to trade off between the two of us every week for recaps, but I’ve been out of commission due to law school, so my D&H partner has been picking up the slack and doing recaps every single week. It’s actually a shit load of work (feel…