The Bachelorette Recap: Week 5

Wow ABC, you’ve dealt me some low blows over the years in the way of super hype trailers that lead to very not hype episodes but this has got to be your worst offense. Here I was, popcorn ready for the chad-pocalypse and literally nothing happened. I am going to hunt down the promo editors…

The Bachelorette Recap: Week 4

Well that escalated quickly. First of all to my fellow recapper- you’re wrong. Four hours of The Bachelorette IS NOT ENOUGH. Not when it involves Chad. I’m so anxious and antsy from the drama of that episode. Or maybe it’s the fear that Chad is hiding behind my shower curtain rn waiting to kill me?…

The Bachelorette Recap: Week 3

Before we begin, let’s make one thing clear: FOUR HOURS OF THE BACHELORETTE IS TOO MUCH FOR ONE WEEK. We open this episode with the gents waking up hungover and expressing their dismay that their house is dirty as fuck. They all got lit last night because they were reeling from a tense rose ceremony…

The Bachelorette Recap: Week 2

Last night on The Chad Show, I mean, The Bachelorette, we all took two hours out of our holiday weekend to watch future BIP contestant Chad Johnson half-heartedly pursue Jojo and whole-heartedly consume deli meats. Everyone who say The Bachelor gets more viewers because the girls are more dramatic/crazy/emotional, I think this week has proven you…

The Bachelorette Recap: Premiere

The twelfth season of The Bachelorette kicked off last night without many surprises or change-ups. Looks like we’re in for another season of the same boring bullshit that for some reason, we can’t stop watching. The season began as it usually does, with a flashback to the last season. JoJo’s heartbreak was gleefully re-broadcast for…

The Sluttiest Television Characters

I’m dubbing 2016 to be the year of the slut. Because while slut shaming is still a very real problem (and a big no-no), there’s really never been a better year to be a ho. However, for some reason, long before we ever started to accept that it was okay for people (women) in our…

Bachelor Recap: Finale Edition!

Well, this was a pretty boring season, huh? This finale alone was *three* hours and I felt like there wasn’t much material to base a full blog post on, but I sure will try. Of course it took less than two minutes for Chris Harrison to call this the “most dramatic Bachelor finale ever,” which…

Bachelor Recap: Women Tell All

Ah the Women Tell All. Where the women don’t really “tell all” but rather talk the same shit and hold the same grudges that they had all season. I love how they all act like they’re so different and changed. Like yes I get that it’s probably traumatic and self-reflective to watch yourself be an…

Stop Asking Me Why I Don’t Have A Boyfriend

I’m 23 years old, and I work in the service industry, meeting new people everyday. Probably 1-2 times a week, someone, most often a male twice my age, has the following conversation with me: Dude: Do you have a boyfriend? Me: No. Dude: Why not? Me: Kill yourself. Just kidding guys I’m not that mean!…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 9

It’s Fantasy Suite Week! It’s Fantasy Suite Week! That’s right readers, it’s that time of year when our fair-skinned bachelor gets to bone three similarly fair-skinned bachelorettes on TV! But first, we need that special scene in which Ben describes each remaining woman using creative adjectives like “beautiful, amazing, and nice.” These lackluster descriptions are…

Bachelor Recap Episode 8

Sorry for the late recap, five people who read this blog. It’s really hard to drink wine, eat cheese, and take notes on The Bachelor with only two hands, and the latter fell by the wayside this week. By the way, nothing on this earth feels like a bigger waste of time than actually taking…

Don’t Feed the Trolls

A few weeks ago, I wrote a light-hearted listicle called “Shit White People in New Orleans Like.” I included a disclaimer that I am indeed white, live in New Orleans, and enjoy many of the things on my list, but was merely poking a little fun. Until this article went live, my writing partner and…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 7

First things first, sorry for the week-long hiatus. Few things take precedence over The Bachelor, but unfortunately for you all, Mardi Gras is one of them. Anyway, let’s get it poppin’. We begin this week in the sprawling metropolis of Warsaw, Indiana! Ben is driving in a red pickup truck to hammer us with the…

Bachelor Recap Episode 5

Another Monday, another two hours of my life I’ll never get back. We’re reaching that halfway point where the episodes become more blah as the more dramatic contestants are eliminated, leaving us to watch vanilla girls talk about how many offspring they want with the man they’ve just met. I mean I know America hates Olivia,…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 4

Is it just me or did this episode feel like we were a lot further along in the season than episode 4? Maybe it’s because they’re traveling, maybe it’s because I have strong favorites already, or maybe it’s just that the women are getting pathetically obsessive and dramatic earlier than usual this year? And as…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 3

This was a particularly juicy episode, so let’s get down to business. We open with a great Olivia shit-talking session, featuring Amanda and Lauren B., which really sets the tone for this catty-as-fuck episode. God, I cannot imagine what it would be like if cameras captured every shitty thing you said about another person. I…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 2

Episode 2 of this season was a classically predictable, borderline boring installment of The Bachelor. We open with one of the twins stating “Ben is the greatest bachelor on the planet of history.” Well then, moving on. I hate nothing more about this show than when they have all the women stand on a balcony…

Shit White People in New Orleans Like

I’m a white person in New Orleans and I like most of these things, but hey, let’s have a laugh about it. Dancing too hard to brass music White people in New Orleans like brass music, but they love making sure everyone knows it. Charter schools Somehow, the liberal New Orleans crowd decided that privatizing…

Bachelor Recap: Episode 1

The most dramatic, controversial, and widely-anticipated season of The Bachelor premiered last night to the collective oohs and aahs of middle-aged housewives ’round the world. Though I personally found it to be a mediocre premiere, one thing did not disappoint. I’m gonna go ahead and call it, Ben Higgins is the hottest bachelor we’ve seen,…

What’s My Age Again?

Happy birthday to me. Today I turn 23 years old. After 21 I was fine to stay an immortal hot vampire/Tuck everlasting type. But I’m told it doesn’t work that way. When I was younger, I always thought 23 was the ideal age—your peak as a woman so to say. I also for some reason…

You Should Watch “Master of None”

I’ve been a fan of Aziz Ansari since I first saw him as a racist fruit vendor on Flight of the Conchords roughly six years ago. Since then, Aziz has literally only put out funny shit. His stand-up specials on Netflix are fucking great – somehow he manages to strike the delicate balance of being critical, borderline…

Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

Did you slack on your Halloween plans this year? Never fear, here at D&H we’ve come up with some great costumes that you can put together before Saturday that will be sure to impress. The Cast of Disney Pixar’s “Inside Out” This is a great ensemble costume to do with friends, although you’ll all be…

Best TV Shows to Binge-watch

Have you ever watched so much of a show at one time that you started to have dreams about the characters? What about where you start to think about the characters as real people, like your friends? Have conversations with them? Hallucinate them? K just kidding on the last one but not really on the…