The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 10 Recap

It’s time to dim those lights, instruct Alexa to play some D’Angelo slow jams, and scrub your genitals till they sparkle. Dearest reader, it’s Fantasy Suite week. Before we can get to the *~*intimate times*~* Matt has some childhood trauma to address. Talk about a creative foreplay idea! Matt believes that his estranged relationship with…

The Bachelor Season 25: Women Tell All Recap

Welcome back to another recap of the Bachelor Season 25, where I will inevitably complain that the episode either had too much producer-manufactured drama or was as boring as my current social life. (No disrespect to my parents and our Saturday night Boggle game). This week it’s the latter – the Tell Alls really just…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 6 Recap

Last night’s episode picked up right where last week’s cliffhanger left off, with Jessenia and MJ making their cases to Matt. I don’t envy Matt; this is really tough. I mean, who to believe? Jessenia, who calmly and concisely explains her position? Or MJ, who snaps her fingers in a Z formation? I gotta say,…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 4 Recap

Last night’s episode began with the aftermath of Sarah’s departure. And the remaining women, led by Victoria, are still being vicious. I totally understood why they were annoyed at first – Sarah kept interrupting their very precious and limited time and totally fucked the vibe of that group date. But they went way too far…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 2 Recap

You guys! This is my first recap in like, two years! I’ve missed you, my sweet, sweet Bachelor Babies. Admittedly, Becca’s garbage season broke me and I took a long hiatus from this brain-smoothing television franchise I love so much. But with Matt being a completely fresh Bachelor with no tie to a previous season…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 1 Recap

Guess who’s back…back again? Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back. (Mom if you’re reading this that is a lyric from a 2002 Eminem song. No, Eminem is not cool again, my references are just that outdated.) Anyway I might just keep going with song lyrics because after a 2+ year hiatus, I’m…