The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 10 Recap

It’s time to dim those lights, instruct Alexa to play some D’Angelo slow jams, and scrub your genitals till they sparkle. Dearest reader, it’s Fantasy Suite week. Before we can get to the *~*intimate times*~* Matt has some childhood trauma to address. Talk about a creative foreplay idea! Matt believes that his estranged relationship with…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 6 Recap

Last night’s episode picked up right where last week’s cliffhanger left off, with Jessenia and MJ making their cases to Matt. I don’t envy Matt; this is really tough. I mean, who to believe? Jessenia, who calmly and concisely explains her position? Or MJ, who snaps her fingers in a Z formation? I gotta say,…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 4 Recap

Last night’s episode began with the aftermath of Sarah’s departure. And the remaining women, led by Victoria, are still being vicious. I totally understood why they were annoyed at first – Sarah kept interrupting their very precious and limited time and totally fucked the vibe of that group date. But they went way too far…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 3 Recap

Well my, that escalated quickly! In just one episode our hero becomes the villain, Vibrator Girl steps up as the beacon of empathy and kindness, and I discover that Chris Harrison published a grocery store romance novel five years ago and I’m just hearing about it now. So much to unpack. And then repack when…

The Bachelor Season 25: Episode 2 Recap

You guys! This is my first recap in like, two years! I’ve missed you, my sweet, sweet Bachelor Babies. Admittedly, Becca’s garbage season broke me and I took a long hiatus from this brain-smoothing television franchise I love so much. But with Matt being a completely fresh Bachelor with no tie to a previous season…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 7

This week, Becca brought her six remaining men to the Bahamas! Before we fully immerse ourselves in this authentic cultural experience, though, we need a quick flashback to last week in Richmond. I recently learned that the state of Virginia paid ABC $536,000 to film an episode there and promote the “Virginia is for Lovers”…

The Bachelorette Recap: Episode 5

This week, we return to find our heroine, Rachel, accompanied by her pack of hunky dum-dums in South Carolina. Lee is stirring up drama like a giant bitch, while Rachel ignores him to canoodle on a boat with Bryan and live her best dang life. It’s crazy that we’re still in the middle of the…

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8

SORRY WE MISSED LAST WEEK! Frreal sorry guys. We used to trade off between the two of us every week for recaps, but I’ve been out of commission due to law school, so my D&H partner has been picking up the slack and doing recaps every single week. It’s actually a shit load of work (feel…

Shit White People in New Orleans Like

I’m a white person in New Orleans and I like most of these things, but hey, let’s have a laugh about it. Dancing too hard to brass music White people in New Orleans like brass music, but they love making sure everyone knows it. Charter schools Somehow, the liberal New Orleans crowd decided that privatizing…